I think we have

………talked more in the last 3 days than the 3 weeks we’ve been seeing each other.

There is just something about him…………..

You know when you ‘click’ with someone…..?

Ya.

Sounds like we have NYE plans………………….

Holiday Workout Plan

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Well……

Brian and me
Dammit…..

We are still talking. He came to see me last night at Ladies Night.

Things are up in the air now with a situation I do not understand. He will be MAKING me understand this weekend. No details because I don’t have good details.

If we can’t figure it out, I walk away.

And I really don’t want to do that………..

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Caro Dio, parte quattro

Dear God…..you HAVE said “Be careful what you ask for….you JUST may get it.”

Or was that my mother??? hmmmmmmmmmmmmm

I haven’t seen signs of Nick for quite some time now. I’ve hoped he has ‘moved on’ and is happy in his new place. It has been over 2 1/2 years. Maybe seeing signs of him isn’t good for me like I thought.

Anyway…..Saturday morning, sitting on my couch, and this bird slammed into my big picture window. It left feathers too high up for even my son in law to reach. (he’s like 6’4″). I watched it flutter over and latch itself onto my screen porch screen. As I watched,the bird flopped upside down, claws caught in my screen. I thought “Oh man. and just a few days before Christmas, I have to see this. So outside I went in my Obi Won Kan obi Bathrobe and flip flops, thinking I’m going to have to throw a dead bird and my G’son is watching.cardinal 1

I go out on the screen porch, walk over to where this bird is hanging upside down by one claw, and begin stroking its belly through the screen. It reared up and looked at me …. and yet it did not flutter wildly to get away.

So I went outside, gently detached it from my screen.

cardinal 2

And proceeded to hold it and pet it for 10-15 minutes. It must have really knocked itself for a loop. It didn’t even TRY to get away. Just sat in my hand as I pet and pet and pet it. After a few minutes, her eyes started to flutter shut.

cardinal 3

It trusted me to not hurt it. You can see my hand is OPEN.

cardinal 4

I was amazed.

Can you tell what kind of bird it is?

Ya.

A cardinal. Y’all know the story of cardinal visits right?

But for her to let me pet her for that long was more than hitting the window and being stunned. She could have flown off at any time and chose not to.

I’m going with that.

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Caro Dio …. parte terza

Hello God, it’s me again. Boo.

Nick hasn’t come to me in a long time now. Have you found something for him to do?  Wonderful man that he is? You know he’ll help anyone you need….

I miss him still. I always will. But I am trying to move on. It’s not working very well but at least I am trying…..not wallowing anymore.

What God knows about me is more important.jpg
Learning to live without the love of my life has been the hardest thing I have ever done.  I am muddling through it. Day by day. Trying to honor his wish that I not mourn long. Well that ship has sailed. It’s been 2 1/2 years.

crying

Dan and I had an interesting chat Wednesday evening. I told him my Ladies Night Ladies are rooting for him and I to get together. Yes, I know age is just a number but when it is that big between 2 people……I don’t know. And I’m finding the manners and romance quotient of men my age? ….is very low. What? Why?  Dan, however, is the perfect gentleman and I am so comfortable in his company. I know the man I want. The one that will get me back in the game.

I just wish he would take a chance on us. Can you help me out here a bit?

Until our next chat, God. Keep up the good work…

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Reminiscing….

FROM Feb 15, 2016: This weekend, at lunch on Saturday he asked me. ‘What are your plans if I don’t beat this?’ and we both just started crying. I’ve already told him a dozen times, I’m selling the house and moving back to Minnesota. ‘Yes, I want you nearer the grandchildren.’

Nicks hands.jpeg

Getting my house done and moving. wow.  I’m sure when it is done, it will be exactly how I want it and I won’t want to leave. Which is a possibility too. My buying the house I want will have to be contingent on selling the one I am in. But I have to find the perfect house first.

My son got a bunch more done on my kitchen this week. His family is coming up early on Sunday to put a threshold in and the trim above the new butcher block counter top. Then we are going to map out the bathroom and 3 exterior doors.

Fingers crossed.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and remembering lately.

I miss him all over again.

 

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Q and A Tag: come chat with me….

Visit the darkest crevices of my mind, dare to tread where many fear to go. You may find something interesting or you may find a mirror to your soul. <—good one!!

The Rules: rules? Who needs rules???

Answer the questions you receive (straight, funny, absurd, up to you)

Create three questions of your own for those that you tag to answer

Tag three people

The Questions.

  1. Best movie of the year?—-A Star is Born. I love Bradley Cooper and his style. He brings something new to each character he plays. And those eyes…omg…333 Lady Gaga…I didn’t know what to think of her when she burst into the public’s attention. I have to give her credit for one POWERFUL voice. And I love to listen to her sing now.
  2. White Christmas or Hot Beach Christmas?–I have lived in the Midwest all my life. I simply must have a white Christmas. This year however? Same as 2015. It was 47* yesterday. besides….a beach body I do not have…..winter-2015
  3. The one New Year Resolution you would enforce on your countries leader?—Honesty. Be honest with your nation. KEEP YOUR PROMISES. Use the money as you say and as it should be. Honor our veterans as you CLAIM you do. We all know that is a lie.

 

My Questions:

  1. This one had gone around before. But I’m adding a twist: If you could bring back ONE person for one day for a FRIEND of yours, who would it be and why?
  2. How do you put a giraffe in the refrigerator..?
  3. Tell me what you think of wind and solar power and why you think people are afraid of wind turbines…

My nominations:

Heylookawriterfellow!

Rivergirl1211

All About Life

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Last night was……

Dan and I went down to what is called the ‘little hippie town’ almost an hour south east of us.

They had a benefit for the local school district at the Driftless Cafe. Yuppie food like you see on TV. Almost rare beef tenderloin on top of mashed potatoes full of spices and a few arugula leaves between. Compote of beef tallow and ladeedah and and and……….Pork ribs with polenta, red marinated onion and ladeedah and and and…..

trying not to spill food on my boobs

And it was PHENOMENAL!! omg……it was SO good. We ate by candlelight. A LEETTUL tiny candle. I had beef tenderloin and Dan had pork ribs. We exchanged bits of pork and beef to try each other dishes…..om…..I could have kept eating. And eating. It was delish!

We got there early (5:45pm), put our name on the list. I think we only had to wait 15 minutes to get in. So while you waited, they had hot chocolate around a bonfire pit singing Christmas Carols. It was awesome. It was a great trip.

Then we went back to the cinema and saw ‘The Mule’ with Clint Eastwood. I thought it was good.

It was a very enjoyable evening…..

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Oh mio….

dont even ask just pour.jpg
I am not sleeping right; I am dropping off like the dead around 11pm, waking literally seconds before my alarm starts it’s baby giggling sounds at 6am.  My eye are full of sand and I cannot see anything. I am dragging ass all day long.  I think Seasonal Depression is hitting again.

I am SO looking forward to 2 FOUR day weekends. Yay!!

Brian and I are going for Supper on Friday night. With his brother. This could be interesting.

Brian and I had a serious chat today. Everything he talks about tells me he would get back with his ex wife in a heartbeat. I’m okay with that. And I let him know this. I just want HIM happy… …..Brian is a kind, caring and generous man. I really love spending time with him. But I do think that is what he really wants…

I am fine with him getting back with his ex-wife. To hear him speak of her….he respects most of what she is about. He calls her Miss J…. , he speaks highly of her life work, he lives a good stone’s throw from her, talks about her a lot.

He just thinks she started taking him for granted.

Which, like it or not, we all do when we get comfortable with someone. It is up to each of us to keep the spark in our lives. And the simplest thing can do that. Even just a silly card can make one smile. Or a walk in our favorite spot. Just to keep the romance alive.

Do you remember why you fell in love with your other half?

Nick would look me in the eye and be so intense. And that is how we would remind each other. Look him right in the eye and tell him I loved him. Bring him little things that I knew would make him smile. Make his favorite foods. It’s so simple to stay in love if you just put your mind to it.

Because before you know it? You can be alone…………………

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Yesterday I re~read a bunch

….of emails from the benefit we did for Nick.

cat

Probably was a mistake. I was not having the best day yesterday. I haven’t felt that ‘out of sorts‘ in a while. Just didn’t feel the day was right. I’m just glad it’s over.

too much Monday not enough coffee.png
I’m sure that was part of the problem. Never seems to be enough coffee….

I awaken in the mornings with my eyeballs dried out and rolling around in their sockets, I swear. I have NO idea what my eyelids are scraping on when I try to blink. And I have a cool mist humidifier going all the time now.

FNG is talking of bringing white chili on Friday. I should dig out my bread recipe and bake a fresh loaf to add to the meal.

Two 4 day weekends are coming up. YAY….Then no vacation days or holidays till Memorial weekend the end of May. I’m gonna have to go somewhere in March.

Or go crazy.

Today I am going to leave you this to ponder on. It came from documentary I watched called “Unseen” about a serial killer of Black women. The neighborhood pastor says “I never know when it’s the last time I am going to be talking to someone I love…..” This is very true.

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What to write today….

Dear Santa before i try to explain

(2 hours later)

It’s an hour before I leave………and I still haven’t even thought about what I want to write.

dog peeing on snowman

(20 minutes later)

Yes, I had a date this weekend. It was fun. But the aftermath today has got me down. I feel like I am ‘shopping’ and I am finding everything (read everyone) ‘lacking’ whatever it is I need. Not what I want. What I need. I have a list and I need to not waver from it.

We went to a retirement party. Damn – he looked fine sitting across the table from me. Standing so tall behind me just…….I cannot begin to describe how that feels. Walking hand in hand. Having him smile at me, interact with some of my friends…..it was nice.

Brian is a wonderful man. I enjoy my time with him. He is kind, generous, funny, CAN COOK!!, and standing next to him Saturday night at the Fire Dancers…..? Wow. Tall, distinguished looking man in cowboy boots, hat and the coolest long black wool coat…..sheesh. He looked good.  Really good.

Went back to his house and he put on flannel loungers, t-shirt and crocks. TOTAL different look. They are right. The clothes make the man. Wow….I have never experienced that before. (Nick looked good no matter WHAT he wore. And even better in what he DIDN’T wear (shush). Brian needs to be in jeans and cowboy boots. LOL! thud

This getting used to someone new just isn’t working out for me. I cannot help but compare and  I simply do not like it.

But hey, I get points for his name NOT being David!!! Right?

RIGHT????

george carlin naughty girls

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