Oh mio….

I am not sleeping right; I am dropping off like the dead around 11pm, waking literally seconds before my alarm starts it’s baby giggling sounds at 6am.  My eye are full of sand and I cannot see anything. I am dragging ass all day long.  I think Seasonal Depression is hitting again.

I am SO looking forward to 2 FOUR day weekends. Yay!!

Brian and I are going for Supper on Friday night. With his brother. This could be interesting.

Brian and I had a serious chat today. Everything he talks about tells me he would get back with his ex wife in a heartbeat. I’m okay with that. And I let him know this. I just want HIM happy… …..Brian is a kind, caring and generous man. I really love spending time with him. But I do think that is what he really wants…

I am fine with him getting back with his ex-wife. To hear him speak of her….he respects most of what she is about. He calls her Miss J…. , he speaks highly of her life work, he lives a good stone’s throw from her, talks about her a lot.

He just thinks she started taking him for granted.

Which, like it or not, we all do when we get comfortable with someone. It is up to each of us to keep the spark in our lives. And the simplest thing can do that. Even just a silly card can make one smile. Or a walk in our favorite spot. Just to keep the romance alive.

Do you remember why you fell in love with your other half?

Nick would look me in the eye and be so intense. And that is how we would remind each other. Look him right in the eye and tell him I loved him. Bring him little things that I knew would make him smile. Make his favorite foods. It’s so simple to stay in love if you just put your mind to it.

Because before you know it? You can be alone…………………

Yesterday I re~read a bunch

….of emails from the benefit we did for Nick.

Probably was a mistake. I was not having the best day yesterday. I haven’t felt that ‘out of sorts‘ in a while. Just didn’t feel the day was right. I’m just glad it’s over.

I’m sure that was part of the problem. Never seems to be enough coffee….

I awaken in the mornings with my eyeballs dried out and rolling around in their sockets, I swear. I have NO idea what my eyelids are scraping on when I try to blink. And I have a cool mist humidifier going all the time now.

FNG is talking of bringing white chili on Friday. I should dig out my bread recipe and bake a fresh loaf to add to the meal.

Two 4 day weekends are coming up. YAY….Then no vacation days or holidays till Memorial weekend the end of May. I’m gonna have to go somewhere in March.

Or go crazy.

Today I am going to leave you this to ponder on. It came from documentary I watched called “Unseen” about a serial killer of Black women. The neighborhood pastor says “I never know when it’s the last time I am going to be talking to someone I love…..” This is very true.

What to write today….

(2 hours later)

It’s an hour before I leave………and I still haven’t even thought about what I want to write.

(20 minutes later)

Yes, I had a date this weekend. It was fun. But the aftermath today has got me down. I feel like I am ‘shopping’ and I am finding everything (read everyone) ‘lacking’ whatever it is I need. Not what I want. What I need. I have a list and I need to not waver from it.

We went to a retirement party. Damn – he looked fine sitting across the table from me. Standing so tall behind me just…….I cannot begin to describe how that feels. Walking hand in hand. Having him smile at me, interact with some of my friends…..it was nice.

Brian is a wonderful man. I enjoy my time with him. He is kind, generous, funny, CAN COOK!!, and standing next to him Saturday night at the Fire Dancers…..? Wow. Tall, distinguished looking man in cowboy boots, hat and the coolest long black wool coat…..sheesh. He looked good.  Really good.

Went back to his house and he put on flannel loungers, t-shirt and crocks. TOTAL different look. They are right. The clothes make the man. Wow….I have never experienced that before. (Nick looked good no matter WHAT he wore. And even better in what he DIDN’T wear (shush). Brian needs to be in jeans and cowboy boots. LOL! thud

This getting used to someone new just isn’t working out for me. I cannot help but compare and  I simply do not like it.

But hey, I get points for his name NOT being David!!! Right?

RIGHT????

…or am I?

Retirement party this afternoon with Brian. He may meet some people I know. He has promised to be the perfect gentleman because Ma, Pa, and Unc might be there.

I’ll update you later.

He’s also promising to cook prime rib for me at his house. He promised this after telling me on Tuesday evening…..”Come into my parlor said the spider to the fly…..” then he laughed.

Oh gawd……

well……

I got to talk with my wonderful daughter at noon today! OMG I miss her SO much.  You know I wasn’t going to take a student that first year. I am so beyond glad I did!!! I love that girl…………

The story of how he came by this ring: He was down to his LAST quarter…and in the unpredictable weather of the Midwest, it was a brutal 65* that day, he crawled across the warm pavement of the Kmart parking lot, braving the cracks and pink bubblegum, heading to the gumball machines. He pulled himself up to his full 6′, towering over the prize holding box,  reached down into his pocket, pulled out that warm 2 bit piece. He slid the coin in the slot and grabbed his back. ‘Ow’ he grimaced as he turned the handle, closed his eyes and HOPED against all odds that the item behind the door of that little red box would be *gasp* the ring of his dreams!

And lo and behold! THIS big beautiful white stone ring popped out!! Grinning wildly, he carefully slid the plastic ball holding his prize into the pocket that once held that warm coin.

“I can’t wait to see you tonight, baby.” he thought to himself. “I’ll slip this treasure on your finger and you’ll be mine, mine, MINE, ALL MINE!!”

……….and he laughed manically as he crawled back to his car, missing the bubble gum once again.

Ya…he has a fun sense of humor. Gonna make me THINK!!

He gave me this necklace too. He’s got taste.

And he finds good jewelry too…lol

 

Still recuperating…….

OMG

……and he’s doing just that….

Wow that man has a lot of words built up and he is using them now!

We have some pretty interesting conversations. And we talk for hours. It’s rather amazing.

And it’s kind of nice.

Christmas is coming. Let’s see what happens…..He just wants me wrapped up in a big red bow.