I have been trying to write all day…..

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….and I cannot come up with anything but memories today.


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I miss him. The last couple days have been rough. It’s been awhile since I’ve struggled this much.

But I’ll get through it. It’s just a wave I have to ride.

xoxo to all

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Three years ago today. My mind is thinking back on that day. And it’s just mush. SO many people there. The venue was not big enough. I talked to so many. Nick and I did not get to say thank you in front of everyone because they kept pulling him outside. What a day.

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Overwhelming. Just overwhelming …… is the only word I can think of for the love and support Nick and I rec’d on Saturday. Hundreds of people came to be there for Nick and for me. Nick and I hugged SO many of you!! It was just WONDERFUL!! We were both so happy to see each of you there to support his cause.

Nick says he has NOT felt THAT good in 5 months.

A comment from a dear friend: “I think it was great and the positive energy in the room had to give Nick some extra reserves to keep fighting the good fight. He had a beautiful smile radiating on his face during the benefit. When Nick and you were dancing it was beautiful and gave everyone pause to appreciate today and be loving in their actions.”

I think that says it all.

And to say Thank you to…

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For A Dad trying to cope…..

I hope you read this and take something good from this.

Nick and I were together over 22 years when I lost him. I have found this little piece is what defines things the best….FOR ME. I hope you can see yourself in this.

I do not know how many years you two were together. Not that it matters. Love is love.

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~And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. ~Anais Nin

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My dearest Nick….

First I love you still. I miss you still. And I always will. There are days I wonder if we were really real. Then I look at photos and see us together and remember……..just how good we were. If this photo doesn’t show that………….I don’t know what ever would.


So……I started this post 2 days ago.

I don’t know if I have that many things I want to tell you or if I have nothing to say.

Nothing to say………….aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahhah!! right!!

We always had plenty to talk about didn’t we?

I think you would like Gary. I think you would approve. In fact I think you do because you’ve been so quiet for a while now. I have seen no sign of you since the cardinal. I hope your soul is at rest.

Don’t forget our movie.


We always thought it could be true.

Do you think, in a hundred years, we might find each other again?

I love you Nick.

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But first? The weather….

Note the brightness of the sky as you look at these photos.

This photo is about 1 1/2 miles from my home. The road was covered with 3″ of frozen UNPLOWED crap. I could have driven over a hay field and it would have been a smoother ride. Wow….It was like this till we hit the county line. Then the highway was 99% clear. Down the the pavement. No snow on it. So apparently MY county hasn’t learned how to plow snow yet.
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Alas, I spoketh too soon. I got into town and halfway from I90 to work, it’s like they STOPPED plowing. This is half frozen and throws you around like a bad WWE wrestler. I’m less than 1/4 mile from work here. It’s up on the left where the DARK sky is.

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Thunder boomers that shook the building, lightening streaking across the sky and it’s been raining on and off all day. *sigh*

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They finally plowed this crap off about 3pm

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I’m ready for SPRING DAMMIT!! It was in the 60’s Monday!!!


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Caro Dio, parte quattro

Hello God. It’s me, Boo.

Life has been pretty hectic. I made it through my wedding anniversary just fine this year. I think having Gary loving me as he does makes things better. Because he may not say it, he shows it. It’s pretty nice.

Things have gotten easier. And yet, when I hold Willa, it hits hard. He would have been wrapped around her little finger. You and I both know that.

I still miss him. I hope you are enjoying his company. You must be keeping him occupied because I haven’t ‘seen’ him in awhile. Maybe I won’t see him anymore. Gary seems to be on the approved list.

By the way? Thank you for sending Gary my way. I feel content. I am happy. He takes good care of me. I take care of him. We have fun. We smile and laugh and the weekends are far too short.

So maybe I am not so mad anymore.  Because oh Lordie was I mad at You.

Maybe I have moved on. Because I had no choice. I don’t see me having another ‘love of my life’. But then who knows. Laura was the love of his life just like Nick was mine. Gary and I both speak about our lost spouses. Maybe too much. Maybe soon we will have everything out there and won’t need to speak of them at all.

He is a good man. He is good to me. I have faith in him and I trust him.

Maybe that is enough………….?


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