And so it begins…..

Resized_20191124_172649_7043.jpegSince my wood room floor was all cleaned up a few weeks ago? It’s time to get it all dirtied up again. *sigh* We threw this all in Sunday evening. Then yesterday before I got home from work, Gary cut up and threw in 3 more wheelbarrow loads. wood
The whole pile in that bottom left corner and a bunch of the birch got thrown in last night and this morning. Gary got my small chain saw going and we cut up more. Now he has taken my big saw home today to get it running again.

We are on the southern edge of this ARMAGEDDON storm they are talking about. Anywhere from 1″ – 78″ of snow. Sometime. Maybe. But we just call that a Wednesday here in the Midwest……It hardly makes the news when we get a foot of snow but if NY gets 3″ the world is coming to an end.

I just laugh.

Test driving a 2017 Escape. Don’t know if I like it or not. I’ll keep ya posted……….

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Nope, not this year….

So daughter en fam have decided that next week is the week they move. Which puts my tree decorating plans in jeopardy. We ALWAYS put up my tree on my birthday which falls on a Sunday this year. PERFECT for taking the day……

Or so I thought….

christmas WHITE OR RED

Yup. This year I would even drink red.

I am not even going to drag my tree upstairs this year. Or put out much of anything. I have two wreaths I hang each side of my front door. That’ll do it for me. Oh, and I did buy new lights that I will put up around the door.  But as for the rest? no. Not feeling it this year. Gary’s house will get decorated but not mine.

Christmas baby                                                                 /\—not Willa—/\

Willa’s first Christmas I will enjoy. I will enjoy the kids and my family. Decorations are just ‘things’. They are truly meaningless. (sorry River) I don’t really have many tree decorations with meaning. I have the things Nick gave me like the cedar chest and the jewelry amoire, my diamond………and my memories of the joy on HIS face when he again got the present just right.  THOSE have meaning to me.

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He did listen to me when I expressed a need. But then I usually got it right too and made him happy with my choices.

dog peeing on snowman

I have NO idea what to get Gary. So suggestions would be helpful. He has everything. He’s expressed NO need for anything. What do you GET someone like that? I could get him a print for the music room wall …. that would be an idea…..(I already have a Cold Stone Creamery Gift card for him.)

Dear Santa before i try to explain

Me? I just want to be with my children. And my grandchildren. 13 now. When my ‘foreign kids get married….you KNOW I’ll be going to Europe on occasion again….

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Brandon’s bunch

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………….Megann’s bunch…………………………………………..Adam’s girls…………………………………..

They are all beyond special to me. Handsome, beautiful and wonderful kids.

Hope you have a Great weekend…..

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It was a lovely trip to Mexico….

I was feeling happy and calm.  It was warm. I was thin. (hey! It’s MY story!) We were having a great time. We looked young again, healthy, happy and having fun, smiling and laughing. He was with me and I was SO happy. We were an ‘us’. Such fun!

Then the border happened. You know that place where the paperwork ain’t done till the fat lady sings……

Well, I wasn’t singing. I was begging and pleading. “Why are they not taking my border crossing card? I filled it out completely! THREE TIMES!”

Quickly, the others at the border are leaving, passing thru the gates and I am still stuck there.  Soon it was just a few of us…..

Then I looked at him, holding the pen in his hand and the still blank form laying on the table in front of him.

“Why have you not filled this out? We’ll miss our flight home………?”

“I think I’m just gonna stay here.” He said to me. Looking at me with such love in his eyes, I could only stand there staring at him.

“I think I’m just gonna stay here.”

I felt the air leave my lungs and I couldn’t replace it with fresh.

I felt my world fall apart. Again.

“Please , fill out the card and come home with me. Please.”

It was not a request. It was my lifeline.

“I think I’m gonna just say here.”

No, Please….just fill it out and come home with me.

“I think I’m just gonna stay here.”

And he just faded slowly away….smiling that gentle smile……….

 

On the eve of my uncle’s memorial service, he FINALLY comes to me in a dream.

Finally.

And it turns into a nightmare.

Nick and Sue benefit
Gary woke me up by holding me close because I was whimpering in my sleep. He claims I have never done that before.

I don’t think I’ll be doing it again.

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