And so it begins…..

Resized_20191124_172649_7043.jpegSince my wood room floor was all cleaned up a few weeks ago? It’s time to get it all dirtied up again. *sigh* We threw this all in Sunday evening. Then yesterday before I got home from work, Gary cut up and threw in 3 more wheelbarrow loads. wood
The whole pile in that bottom left corner and a bunch of the birch got thrown in last night and this morning. Gary got my small chain saw going and we cut up more. Now he has taken my big saw home today to get it running again.

We are on the southern edge of this ARMAGEDDON storm they are talking about. Anywhere from 1″ – 78″ of snow. Sometime. Maybe. But we just call that a Wednesday here in the Midwest……It hardly makes the news when we get a foot of snow but if NY gets 3″ the world is coming to an end.

I just laugh.

Test driving a 2017 Escape. Don’t know if I like it or not. I’ll keep ya posted……….

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Nope, not this year….

So daughter en fam have decided that next week is the week they move. Which puts my tree decorating plans in jeopardy. We ALWAYS put up my tree on my birthday which falls on a Sunday this year. PERFECT for taking the day……

Or so I thought….

christmas WHITE OR RED

Yup. This year I would even drink red.

I am not even going to drag my tree upstairs this year. Or put out much of anything. I have two wreaths I hang each side of my front door. That’ll do it for me. Oh, and I did buy new lights that I will put up around the door.  But as for the rest? no. Not feeling it this year. Gary’s house will get decorated but not mine.

Christmas baby                                                                 /\—not Willa—/\

Willa’s first Christmas I will enjoy. I will enjoy the kids and my family. Decorations are just ‘things’. They are truly meaningless. (sorry River) I don’t really have many tree decorations with meaning. I have the things Nick gave me like the cedar chest and the jewelry amoire, my diamond………and my memories of the joy on HIS face when he again got the present just right.  THOSE have meaning to me.


He did listen to me when I expressed a need. But then I usually got it right too and made him happy with my choices.

dog peeing on snowman

I have NO idea what to get Gary. So suggestions would be helpful. He has everything. He’s expressed NO need for anything. What do you GET someone like that? I could get him a print for the music room wall …. that would be an idea…..(I already have a Cold Stone Creamery Gift card for him.)

Dear Santa before i try to explain

Me? I just want to be with my children. And my grandchildren. 13 now. When my ‘foreign kids get married….you KNOW I’ll be going to Europe on occasion again….

Brandon’s bunch

………….Megann’s bunch…………………………………………..Adam’s girls…………………………………..

They are all beyond special to me. Handsome, beautiful and wonderful kids.

Hope you have a Great weekend…..

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It was a lovely trip to Mexico….

I was feeling happy and calm.  It was warm. I was thin. (hey! It’s MY story!) We were having a great time. We looked young again, healthy, happy and having fun, smiling and laughing. He was with me and I was SO happy. We were an ‘us’. Such fun!

Then the border happened. You know that place where the paperwork ain’t done till the fat lady sings……

Well, I wasn’t singing. I was begging and pleading. “Why are they not taking my border crossing card? I filled it out completely! THREE TIMES!”

Quickly, the others at the border are leaving, passing thru the gates and I am still stuck there.  Soon it was just a few of us…..

Then I looked at him, holding the pen in his hand and the still blank form laying on the table in front of him.

“Why have you not filled this out? We’ll miss our flight home………?”

“I think I’m just gonna stay here.” He said to me. Looking at me with such love in his eyes, I could only stand there staring at him.

“I think I’m just gonna stay here.”

I felt the air leave my lungs and I couldn’t replace it with fresh.

I felt my world fall apart. Again.

“Please , fill out the card and come home with me. Please.”

It was not a request. It was my lifeline.

“I think I’m gonna just say here.”

No, Please….just fill it out and come home with me.

“I think I’m just gonna stay here.”

And he just faded slowly away….smiling that gentle smile……….


On the eve of my uncle’s memorial service, he FINALLY comes to me in a dream.


And it turns into a nightmare.

Nick and Sue benefit
Gary woke me up by holding me close because I was whimpering in my sleep. He claims I have never done that before.

I don’t think I’ll be doing it again.

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My letter of resignation

I joined the board to try and make a difference. Instead I have watched people, in my opinion, acting contrary to our mission statement. Then require me to sign a document stating I cannot discuss what they have done. This board has totally lost sight of all that is important to this organization – being there for our clients. Not rewriting a manual. Not wearing uniforms or covering tats. Our clients.

And until y’all read the POLICE REPORTS and find out the FACTS about Joe and that deal? PLEASE stop believing the lies that have been told by several people both on the board and off.

When I read that unbelievable list of ‘recommendations’, all I could think was this Miss Steffes has NO clue what BCFR is all about. So I am left wondering just WHY she became involved with this organization. I don’t feel that Miss Steffes has done what she was HIRED and PAID to do. Uniforms and covering tats are for banks and offices, NOT BCFR. Some of the items on that list were already being done, which she would have found out if she had asked. Things have worked very well for the last 30+ years. Now look.

My trust in this board was broken months ago. I started asking questions. Then I just ‘rode it out’ to see what you all were up to. (Keep in mind? When you give someone your social security #?; It’s implied consent.)  Now I know. And I know I can no longer trust that you, the remaining board, have BCFR’s best interests at heart. You have removed one of the most important people that makes that place WORK for the CLIENTS. 

This board has failed.  And I am beyond sad.

My resignation is effective immediately. I will not be at the board meeting on Monday.. I cannot continue with people I cannot and do not trust.


I sent this off a hour before the board meeting yesterday. When LA sent her letter, two of them BEGGED her to reconsider, to please not leave, blah blah blah.

Me? I get this: I am sorry to hear your decision to no longer be on the board of BCFR.  Please know that the mission of this organization is our #1 and always has been.  It will continue to be our top priority.  We have an exciting group of potential board members with fresh eyes starting in January and I, personally and very excited for the years to come. We wish you all the best Sue.  Take care.

…..from the one that lied. Now I know she was working to get rid of me too because she knows I know what she did.

Not a WORD from any of the other board members.


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