I had some inkling that losing Nick would be difficult for the rest of my life. I loved him. He was my other half.
I just didn’t know HOW difficult. man o man….
I didn’t want to be known as ‘the widow down the road’ or be alone for the rest of my life. That is simply not me. I am just too outgoing to be alone. There will NEVER be anyone in my life like Nick. We fought so hard to be together, and fought so hard to stay together.
We all know how that one turned out.
I was going back through photos. Sometimes this is not a good thing to do. Memories flood back and leak out my eyes. And that’s how things have been for the last few weeks.
I have met someone. He’s been spooking the hell outta me. Twice he has said the exact words Nick said to me 25 years ago. He had NO way of knowing those words. At lunch I noticed him pick up his fork with his left hand. My mind is just whirling with thoughts.
I told my friend Karla about these instances. She said “I told you Nick would send someone to be with you. These are the signs.” I wondered if that is what it was. Nick and I had a long one sided conversation last Friday night. I talked, he listened. And didn’t give me any kind of answer. Men. Pfffft….. I think that is something I have to work out for myself.
I can feel Nick slipping away as Jim keeps freaking me out. I feel as if I have to lose Nick all over again. I have to really let him go and put him in a different part of my mind if I want things to continue with Jim.
I know, I know. It’s my mind freaking me out.
And as usual “I will be fine. I always am.”