Hot and humid again today, with a high of 97F at the La Crosse airport. This broke the old record high of 96F, set just 6 years ago in 2015. It also marked the 7th day in a row with a high of 90F or hotter.

Posted in Me

Dearest Lori;

Dammit Girl. GOD dammit girl!

Do you have ANY idea how many times I have grabbed the phone and call you since May 8th?

And I can’t. And every time I think about you I drop to my knees. You were my dearest friend. I could tell you ANYTHING. I don’t have that anymore because we go way back through so much STUFF that only you know about.

Can you imagine my mind when Jacquie text me ? “Hey, Lori Mattes died last night. Heart attack.” I was like ‘no.’ No, that didn’t happen. She’s 6 months younger than me. She won’t go first….. After all that had happened the week before, Lori would have told me she was not feeling well. That was always part of our 3 hour phone conversations. No. You weren’t gone.

Then I called your phone and your sister answered. Your sister. Not you. When I told her who I was, she started crying. I knew then it was true. And I couldn’t breathe.

My mind has been a mess ever since. I cry at the drop of a hat. I can’t remember things. I have NO patience. I even got upset with my young g’daughter. That is NOT me. I need to get away. I need people to do as they promise.

Two of our mutual friends are coming for a long weekend mid July. I can’t wait. I NEED this. I think it’s the only thing keeping my mind on track right now.

You know when people post all that SHIT about ‘If you feel such and such, I’ll be there for you.”


I’ve told several people my mind is wobbly. That I’m not doing well. And not a ONE has stepped up to give me a hug or ask if I want to talk. Really? I want to throw plates at the wall. Scream. Hit someone and believe me, there is a list.

I miss you. There are days I cannot BREATHE for thinking about you being gone. This is just not right.

And in your honor? I will NEVER ever eat at a BoJangles. Not after what they did to you. May that bitch Rhonda rot in hell. NO excuse for that treatment and disrespect.

I miss you woman. I love you and I miss you SO much. I’m sitting here at work, writing this with tears streaming down my face. I’m hoping getting this out of my head will make me feel better.

Wish me luck on THAT one.

I love you.

Posted in Me

So I’ve been…..

…..struggling with Lori’s death. She was my dearest friend since 1997. Someone do the math….24 years? I want my 3 hour phone call with her. Her daughter posted on FB last night “I want my mom back.” About knocked me to my knees.

Then last night I find out a kid I used to work with when I met Nick, was found dead in his bed. He’s probably around 40? But I still see that teenager I worked with, always tilted his head like Princess Di and look up at you smiling. Not that he was a princess. Just the head tilt. Work with me here.

I really need a vacation. However….two of my dear friends who knew Lori are coming to stay for 4 days in mid July. I’m beyond excited and I think this will be a GREAT break I need. I took a 4 day Memorial weekend. Got SO much stuff done around the house. I’m happy.

Last night I dropped over $1,600 on carpeting for my living room. Yes, I’m covering those hardwood floors up again.

I just want it warmer in that HUGE room (16’x25′) for winter. Plus I am getting new furniture. Finding what I WANT. One piece at a time. The love seat you see? I paid $12.18 for it at the Restore because I didn’t care if the puppies ruined it. I may put it out on the screen porch in the next two weeks. Carpet is due in that time frame. Then the end of June, my kitchen window is getting measured to be replaced. I can barely open that now.

I asked on FB yesterday WHY are people physically distancing their cars at stoplights??? Really ?? 30-40′ between the cars?? My g/f Cindy said “So they don’t get Carvid!!!” WINNER!!!!!!!! The unbelievable stupid things people do. THINK about the people behind you hanging the ass end of THEIR car out where it can get hit because some idiot can’t pull up like you are sposed to.

Rant over.

I really do need a vacation.

Posted in Me

My long ass weekend….

I took Friday off. I drove to Racine and back for Lori’s wake. 4 hours one way. And we came home after 90 minutes there. I really needed to hug the kids. It was VERY difficult. I miss her SO much. Every couple of weeks we would call each other and chat for 3 hours. I miss that.

On Saturday, I was picking up 1/4 beef in about 45 minutes north of me. Then I missed my turn back and ending up in Fall Creek. Retraced and found R and got back to Osseo because God Knows my GPS wouldn’t behave out in the wilderness of Wisconsin!

Then off to my son’s for G’daughter’s 7th birthday party.

She is my girly girl!!
Love her to bits and back.

Then home to welcome my AirBnB guests Joe and Julie. LOVELY couple from the cities. Really enjoyed them and their dog. Such a joy…..

Sunday was nothing. I think it rained? Didn’t do a lot except clean and rearrange a bit. Armondo came about 9pm. Good looking young man living out of his car driving across the states from Pennsylvania.  He has hit 15 states so far, taking photos of the “Welcome to (insert a state name here)!” signs. Fun!

He left early Monday morning. Joe and Julie left closer to 11am Monday. So Monday I changed all the bedding upstairs. And washed the bedding. And the downstairs curtains. Hung the new curtains in the living room big window. And washed windows. And towels. And wiped things down. And put laundry away. And hung sheets, towels, curtains and etc out on my CLOTHESLINE that I love. (Thank you Gary for that.) Finished the mowing because Fred sharpened my mower blades. My Fred River, not yours.

Speaking of Gary….His last email ” One more thing you you need to know Susan is that I am not ever going to give up on you!  I will leave you alone for now to give you your space and time you need but I am hoping sometime you will change your mind because I care and like you!.. going to miss you sincerely!…Gary”  Great. I have a stalker hovering in the background.

Tuesday. I’m back at work. And already bored outta what is left of my mind. LOL.


Posted in Me