I’ve been thinking…

…….not always a good thing for me.

I was thinking about how I feel about Jason. He is a great guy and I enjoy spending time with him.

And reflecting back on the other asshats I’ve dated. They turned out to be some dooseys.

Cheating, controlling, and not wanting a LT relationship <–he always wanted to sleep with me. Now he did? and he’s done. How special was THAT?? effer…..

Nice.

It makes me trust my ability to judge character no longer. I’m sick of giving my all and getting nothing back but hurt.

So poor Jason. My partial heart is no longer out on my sleeve. I feel seriously dead inside. Again, I enjoy his company, enjoy spending time with him, it’s fun having a b/f that much younger. I love the guy.

But I’m not ‘in love’ with the guy. It’s not his fault. It’s not my fault. But it’s what I want with someone. I don’t know if we’ll get there or not. With Nick? It was an almost immediate thing like “I have this strong desire to start the kind of fire that burns thru a pouring rain…” that lasted 23 years. Yes, it was that intense.

I want that again. Doesn’t everyone?

When I think of spending the rest of my life with …………. I don’t get anything. No tingle, no smile, no ‘ya, I want that.’

Remember this plant? Grew like crazy when Gary and I were dating? It was dying when we broke up.

It started growing again when Jason and I started dating.

I just had a short conversation with Jason. And now I’m struggling with trying to figure out what I mean to HIM.

Watch the plant start to die soon.

Posted in Me

6 thoughts on “I’ve been thinking…

  1. It’s okie to feel that. Give it time! You don’t know someone just like that. For me it’s not love at first sight. It’s more like a slow simmering pot..until it bubbles over.
    The guys that I had instant chemistry with were all duds.

    Liked by 1 person

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