You may have noticed….

I am not really my usual cheery self lately. I’ve been really struggling this past few months. I am not seeing Jason anymore. My relatives are upsetting me because you know, they are right and I am always wrong.

Just time to go quiet.

I was talking to my brother last night. Keep this in mind.

I talked to my folks today. They informed me they are going to my brothers on Saturday. Cousin(whom I have always ADORED) is coming in from out west. My brother told my folks last night.

He never said a word to me.

She never let me know.

Nice.

Like I said. Time to go quiet. No one will notice anyway.

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Some excitement in my little town…..

This was taken from my front step about 9:30ish last night. It’s the sales barn 2 miles away. Three businesses are affected by this including Ashley Furniture.

Fire trucks ran back and forth to G’ville most of the night. At 5:30am the FD was called back for some hot spots that were flaring up again.

This first little light on the horizon is the same area that was ablaze last night. You can see the platform in front of my house I was standing on. This photo is from 6am when I took Stella and Louie out.

A beautiful sunrise. I love how I get this almost every morning.

Jason sent me this photo this morning. Taken just a bit after midnight. VERY bright out last night. My house is 2 miles to the left in this photo.

I’m glad Jason and I are still talking. We have decided to be just friends and no longer ‘date’. He is a great guy. A good man and handsome, funny, very witty. I’m glad we’ll be friends.

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Baby it will be colder than you THINK….

Santa is a man. Yes? Someone actually QUESTIONED THIS???

Baby it’s cold outside is one of my FAVORITE songs. Leave it alone. It is NOT offensive. If one would actually LISTEN to the words…but that wouldn’t follow the sheep directive now would it?

Candy canes are candy canes. Anyone who thinks otherwise? Must have some disorder that makes them think UP this shit.

I will always say Merry Christmas. Happy Holidays is another favorite song tho. At least I think that’s the name of it….

Children should be able to decorate HOWEVER they want. If a child is a different faith? Then they should be able to decorate HOWEVER they want during their holidays. Did you ever hear the saying “To each their own.”?

Three wise people? wow…sheep directive got desperate with THAT one huh? As well as Baby Jesus being a THEYBIE? What the hell is THAT????

I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus…ya…and???? EVERYONE with a brain knew who it was….

Rudolph is a classic. The film teaches well. And the abominable scared the beejeebees outta me…

And really ? there is NO room for politics in a family gathering. So Washington and you PC sheep? Shut the hell up. I’m not in a good place right now and I did buy a rifle. AAAAAHAHAHAHAH ok, I’m kidding. I haven’t shot it ……… yet.

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Dear Nick….

Hey. It’s been awhile. I hope you have welcomed all those I have lost lately. I still miss you. I always will. One day we’ll be together again.

It still seems some days, like it was yesterday.

I see the videos and I hear your voice.

It always be this difficult……? I had hoped things would mellow with time. And for the most part they have. There are days when I think of you and smile. There are days when I can’t think about you or I about lose it. I was good with that……

Then I lost Lori.

And I cry at the drop of a hat.

Man I was a mess. And some days I still am. I probably always will be when it comes to remembering you. And Lori.

Then I got the news Tina is in ICU. 50% survival rate. They changed her meds and took her off the liver transplant list. Doctors….wow.

Too close to Lori….Too close to losing Tina….Too many in the last 5 years. Then Louise, one of my favorite pen pals went quiet. I got my letter back with a note from her husband she had passed. That hit me too.

I was doing so well coping with you…..till Lori died. That was a blow and it feels like I am back to where I started. I can’t think about her and not have my eyes leak. I have had a difficult time even thinking about Tina. Uncle Bert, Aunt Eunice, Uncle Lee, Martha, Gimpy, Mike, Scott….. I’ve lost track. Too many so important to me are gone now.

I hate dating. Spending time with other guys only brings you back forefront in my mind. How easy it was to be with you, talk with you, laugh with you. Now? It’s not always very comfortable. I miss you. I miss US. It wasn’t supposed to BE this way! Maybe if I didn’t miss you so much, I wouldn’t feel so dead inside. I wouldn’t feel so frustrated at the guys who don’t get me like you did. I keep finding we were each other’s other half. One is incomplete without the other.

So I have to find a new way to feel complete. And that is not as easy as it sounds.

I’m getting rather sick of life. Hermit living sounds pretty good.

I love you and always will. I miss you. I can’t say that enough.

Always and Forever. Me

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