Dear Nick….

Hey. It’s been awhile. I hope you have welcomed all those I have lost lately. I still miss you. I always will. One day we’ll be together again.

It still seems some days, like it was yesterday.

I see the videos and I hear your voice.

It always be this difficult……? I had hoped things would mellow with time. And for the most part they have. There are days when I think of you and smile. There are days when I can’t think about you or I about lose it. I was good with that……

Then I lost Lori.

And I cry at the drop of a hat.

Man I was a mess. And some days I still am. I probably always will be when it comes to remembering you. And Lori.

Then I got the news Tina is in ICU. 50% survival rate. They changed her meds and took her off the liver transplant list. Doctors….wow.

Too close to Lori….Too close to losing Tina….Too many in the last 5 years. Then Louise, one of my favorite pen pals went quiet. I got my letter back with a note from her husband she had passed. That hit me too.

I was doing so well coping with you…..till Lori died. That was a blow and it feels like I am back to where I started. I can’t think about her and not have my eyes leak. I have had a difficult time even thinking about Tina. Uncle Bert, Aunt Eunice, Uncle Lee, Martha, Gimpy, Mike, Scott….. I’ve lost track. Too many so important to me are gone now.

I hate dating. Spending time with other guys only brings you back forefront in my mind. How easy it was to be with you, talk with you, laugh with you. Now? It’s not always very comfortable. I miss you. I miss US. It wasn’t supposed to BE this way! Maybe if I didn’t miss you so much, I wouldn’t feel so dead inside. I wouldn’t feel so frustrated at the guys who don’t get me like you did. I keep finding we were each other’s other half. One is incomplete without the other.

So I have to find a new way to feel complete. And that is not as easy as it sounds.

I’m getting rather sick of life. Hermit living sounds pretty good.

I love you and always will. I miss you. I can’t say that enough.

Always and Forever. Me

Posted in Me

4 thoughts on “Dear Nick….

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