Grandmother to 13 now...Getting back into life after losing the love of my life to cancer. Read my struggles with daily life........or don't. But I hope it helps ONE person get thru the same thing I went thru......
….for not doing Friday Five. I have to discipline myself to start doing it again. Happy now??
1.) My garden MASS produced tomatoes this year. I have given away a lot of them but made 3 meals of tomato sauce. Tonight I will put some on my veggie tray for my first ever Crab Boil. The cherry tomatoes? Got BIG! My potatoes (shown) taste SO good freshly dug! Green peppers, and leaf lettuce have been harvested so far. I can’t wait to try the carrots and the little eatin’ onions.
2.) Jim and I are getting things done around my house. Friday night is crab boil. Saturday I HAVE to move plants and plant some bulbs I bought. Sunday we split wood with neighbor Joe. Joe has a tractor with a wood splitter attached. It will make short work of what wood needs split. All the dry stuff is going into the basement and getting stacked. I will be a little more ready for when that white crap starts flying. I hope. I had a dream about that the other night. To everyone else it was raining. To me? We ended up with 4″ of white shit.
3.) Puppies…what can I say about them? They are such a joy and the bane of my existence. I shampooed two carpets last night. First thing Louie does while I’m shampooing the second one?? Craps on the first one *facepalm* But he is so DAMN cute!!
4.) I am so glad it’s Friday. Last night, Louie wouldn’t sleep. About 5 times he leapt off the bed (quite a feat for someone so small and a bed so tall!), out to the living room, growl then started barking. At 1am this is NOT a good thing. He didn’t sleep much last night so neither did Mom. *Yawn* Stella? Slept through it all.
5.) Took my 30 minute walk at lunch again today. Every day it doesn’t rain, I go. I am down 15lbs since Nick died. May not sound like much in such a while but it’s taken me from diabetic? to NOT. I’m happy with it. I feel better. Yesterday I had to RUN!! OMG…I know right? And it felt …wait for it….GOOD! I may add a little jog into my routine now and again. Ya, amazing huh??
So there’s MY Friday Five Jim. Wander through and say hello if’n yuve a mind to…….
“After being worried all of 2012-2014, scared all of 2014 and 2015. And overwhelming grief mixed with rage since July of 2016….Do you have ANY idea how it feels to be alive again?To feel happy? Alive? Motivated? and actually WANT to see someone?
Ya. That’s me.
They are anxious to meet Jim. I think they think he pulled off a miracle.
Can’t put 3 photos in at the same time or run them next to each other. And this is an improvement HOW????
The view out my driveway Friday morning. Fog dancing over the top of the creek water, meandering down the little stream bed. I always love how this looks. Like a scene out of Willy Wonka with his marshmallow creme or cotton candy.
I got a phone call this morning. I have someone interested in buying my house. Now I have to decide if I am ready to move from here.
And lose my cotton candy clouds with the marshmallow creme stream.
Some of the girls that moved to AZ after high school are coming home for the weekend. So we are having a get together Saturday. I can’t wait to see them.
I have to finish mowing lawn tonight. It was a balmy 37* this morning. I hated putting the Littles out on the screen porch but I must. Soon I’ll have to move the kennel back inside. I just have to figure out where.
Louie has an under bite. Every time I look at him, I smile and laugh. It looks like a perfect row of human teeth. Cracks me up.
I think he weighs in now at about 7lbs. He loves me. Has to be sitting on my lap or near me all the time. I love it.
Jim and I had a very nice evening at my house. We spent several hours talking about what we want, laughing, having some really good pizza, watching…something on TV I don’t remember what because there was Fireball and some kind of Cherry Liqueur….*hic*
Being able to be myself and not having to explain jokes is just so nice. Jim has told me he already booked the chapel. I came back with honeymoon details and we just laugh. When he told me he had and bought the preacher, I called him a cheap bastard as I haven’t gotten a ring yet.
Not getting married. And it’s something we talked about last night. I am STILL not interested in remarrying.
I know our weird chat is weird. But it’s fun because neither of us know what the other will pop up with and how fast we have a come back.
I’m enjoying it.
And I’m enjoying LIFE again. It’s about damn time.
How awesome do these cheese plates look??? I’m having a bonfire on Sept 25th. I’ll be making these. Along with pulled chicken and I’m not sure what else yet. Suggestions? Please?
Jim and I are getting along like peas in a pod. He keeps spooking with little things that make me think Nick approves. Makes my friends think that too. Finding someone new after a death is WAY different and WAY harder than finding someone after a divorce. Fear is a huge factor. Jim is about the same age Nick was when he got sick. Don’t think that doesn’t mess with your mind.
We have a lot of fun talking and planning. He’s found an apartment and we’ll be moving him in about 2 weeks. He’s excited. It’s huge. And homey. He will need to buy new furniture. He wants me to help. Yess!!!!
I really enjoy this man in a TOTALLY different way. He makes my heart skip a beat and I haven’t felt that since Nick. I can’t wait to see him. I don’t have to explain jokes. I get a hug and we fit together.
I got some more bad news yesterday in with some great news. Who knew?
Remember my friend Jon? The one 12 days younger? Died in June? Just found out yesterday his mother has stage 4 colon cancer. His daughter told me this as we are setting up a visit with her new little bug. I can’t wait to meet Arlo! I’m just so sorry Jon doesn’t get to. So I’ll give little Arlo Jon a hug & a smooch from G’pa. And G’pa Jon can watch down over him.
I miss him. A lot. I am very sad his mom is now ill. I need to get up there and see her. We only had 3 weeks from when Jon found out to his death. I hope I have a bit more time for Faye.
More sad news. Lorenzo is so hopped up to be in America, that he got an F1 Visa instead of a J1, has changed exchange companies and is now going to Scottsdale, AZ. I am beyond sad to not be hosting this fun young man. He will be coming in less than 2 weeks. He’s going to try to do a nice long layover in Minneapolis so I get to meet and spend some time with him. So please keep your fingers crossed.
And in good news, I get to see Jim tonight. Tomorrow not so much as I have yet another funeral. Sheesh. Another of my parents generation. There are so few left. I also have grandchildren overnight Saturday night which will cut into Jim time. (sounds like a workout ….. oh hush)
I had some inkling that losing Nick would be difficult for the rest of my life. I loved him. He was my other half.
I just didn’t know HOW difficult. man o man….
I didn’t want to be known as ‘the widow down the road’ or be alone for the rest of my life. That is simply not me. I am just too outgoing to be alone. There will NEVER be anyone in my life like Nick. We fought so hard to be together, and fought so hard to stay together.
We all know how that one turned out.
I was going back through photos. Sometimes this is not a good thing to do. Memories flood back and leak out my eyes. And that’s how things have been for the last few weeks.
I have met someone. He’s been spooking the hell outta me. Twice he has said the exact words Nick said to me 25 years ago. He had NO way of knowing those words. At lunch I noticed him pick up his fork with his left hand. My mind is just whirling with thoughts.
I told my friend Karla about these instances. She said “I told you Nick would send someone to be with you. These are the signs.” I wondered if that is what it was. Nick and I had a long one sided conversation last Friday night. I talked, he listened. And didn’t give me any kind of answer. Men. Pfffft….. I think that is something I have to work out for myself.
I can feel Nick slipping away as Jim keeps freaking me out. I feel as if I have to lose Nick all over again. I have to really let him go and put him in a different part of my mind if I want things to continue with Jim.