Dammit Girl. GOD dammit girl!
Do you have ANY idea how many times I have grabbed the phone and call you since May 8th?
And I can’t. And every time I think about you I drop to my knees. You were my dearest friend. I could tell you ANYTHING. I don’t have that anymore because we go way back through so much STUFF that only you know about.
Can you imagine my mind when Jacquie text me ? “Hey, Lori Mattes died last night. Heart attack.” I was like ‘no.’ No, that didn’t happen. She’s 6 months younger than me. She won’t go first….. After all that had happened the week before, Lori would have told me she was not feeling well. That was always part of our 3 hour phone conversations. No. You weren’t gone.
Then I called your phone and your sister answered. Your sister. Not you. When I told her who I was, she started crying. I knew then it was true. And I couldn’t breathe.
My mind has been a mess ever since. I cry at the drop of a hat. I can’t remember things. I have NO patience. I even got upset with my young g’daughter. That is NOT me. I need to get away. I need people to do as they promise.
Two of our mutual friends are coming for a long weekend mid July. I can’t wait. I NEED this. I think it’s the only thing keeping my mind on track right now.
You know when people post all that SHIT about ‘If you feel such and such, I’ll be there for you.”
I’ve told several people my mind is wobbly. That I’m not doing well. And not a ONE has stepped up to give me a hug or ask if I want to talk. Really? I want to throw plates at the wall. Scream. Hit someone and believe me, there is a list.
I miss you. There are days I cannot BREATHE for thinking about you being gone. This is just not right.
And in your honor? I will NEVER ever eat at a BoJangles. Not after what they did to you. May that bitch Rhonda rot in hell. NO excuse for that treatment and disrespect.
I miss you woman. I love you and I miss you SO much. I’m sitting here at work, writing this with tears streaming down my face. I’m hoping getting this out of my head will make me feel better.
Wish me luck on THAT one.
I love you.